


One Bad Joke

by Pohadka



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Sports, Bad Jokes, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8427736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pohadka/pseuds/Pohadka
Summary: Bucky Barnes likes his life. He's got two good jobs, he's got a great team he plays goalie for, and he's got a great joke to tease everyone with.  Including Steve Rogers, who's crashed Bucky's net for the last time.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Florianna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florianna/gifts).



> Birthday fic for the awesome Florianna! There's a joke as a running gag, I've bolded it for clarification. Happens to be her favorite joke. :) It's also set in a favorite AU of hers in a favorite sport. GO HABS GO!

“So you’re a hockey fan, right?” 

Bucky really wanted to roll his eyes, but despite his boss being mostly clueless, he wasn’t really that bad. And he needed this job. Hockey gear was expensive. 

“Yeah Clint, I play, remember? I had to call out sick that one time with a concussion.” 

“Oh right! I’ve had a few of those myself, you know.” Together they heaved the furniture frame up so they could start screwing in the shelves. IKEA paid pretty good for a simple assembly job. 

“So what’s with the hockey questions. We’re in Montreal, you’re kind of a minority around here.” 

“Yeah I know. But I heard a joke the other day that even I got a laugh out of. **So the Devil is walking through hell, checking on everything. It’s hot, it’s painful, he’s in paradise cause everyone’s being tortured and screaming their brains out. Then he sees two guys sitting on the floor, dressed like they were going to the North Pole. He goes over to them asks,’aren’t you hot?’ and they say ‘Nah, we’re from Canada, this is like winter for us.’”**

Once Clint finally got to the punch line, Bucky had to sit down. The sound coming out of him was either a laugh or a groan. Just because he didn’t know which doesn’t mean anything.

#

“So that’s what you call a care package, chunky monkey ice cream and Fury Road?” 

“Of course. You’re on the Destroyer line, Nat, you have to feed your rage so you’re happy on the ice, right?” Bucky grinned as wide as he could, holding out the ice cream. He had his own amaretto cherry, but he knew she’d claim that too.

“Get your ass in here already, jerk.” Natasha led him into her half-furnished apartment. Half, because her roomie May had just moved out. Probably safer for the apartment, as Melinda was the center of said Destroyer line.” 

“So you gonna finally let me move in here? You know you love me that much.” 

“No I don’t, you’re a goalie.” Natasha snorted as she put the movie in, flopping into a pile of pillows that currently served as a couch.

“And I also have a helluva discount on IKEA furniture.” He winked, ending up against the wall with a single purloined pillow. “Speaking of which, my boss Clint told me a joke that’ll distract you.” 

“Given that it’s from Clint, I think this might hurt. It better be clean, Barnes!” 

“Oh, it’s very clean!” He launched into the joke, grinning as she caught on when she caught on around the second part: **“So the Devil grumbles and raises the temperature even more. There’s more screaming, it’s hotter and everything. He goes back to the Canadians and they just took off their coats, hats, and scarves. ‘Aren’t you hot?’ he asks again. ‘Nah, this is like Spring for us.’”**

Bucky didn’t even mind the bruise he took home on his bicep.

#

“C’mon Bucky, you know why I moved out.” May smiled at him, right before flipping him on his back and pulling his leg back in a way not even his goalie coach would approve of. 

“Yeah, but you two managed to not kill each other for two years. That’s like a record! And I am so crying uncle in my heart. Quietly.” He tried to twist, but she had him pinned tight to the mat. “Okay so maybe not so quietly saying uncle. More like... OW.” 

May relented, letting him flop out like a noodle. It was the end of their session, and he had no more oomph left to give.

“I left so I could move in with Phil. I told her two months ago. She chose to ignore it.”

Okay so that was an excellent reason. “Okay okay, I got it. Now help me convince her to take your room. My lease is up in two weeks.” 

“Oh that’s how it is, huh?” Wrong thing to say Barnes, he realized as she had literally flipped him head to toe before pinning him with both legs and an arm twisted behind him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll behave!” He swore, not even minding the laugh she gave when she let him up again. “I even have a joke for Phil you can claim as your own!”

“It better be good and awful, Barnes.” She gave him a warning scowl, but her eyes were crinkled in the corners.

She was groaning by the time he got to the middle part. **“So the Devil grumbles some more and raises the temperature again. He goes back and now they’re mostly undressed but still have their boots on and normal clothes. He just stares at them. ‘In Canada, this is when the grilling season starts,’ they answer.”**

May had her face buried in her hands when he finished. “Oh god yes, that’s bad enough even for Phil! Get out of my sight!”

#

“So Natasha hates me now and she’s letting Skye move in. She’s a goalie too!” Bucky finished filling the glass and slid the beer to a girl down the bar. She was cute, but she also hung on the arm of the scariest girl this side of Melinda May. He winked, then turned back to Sam, whining more. “I can’t afford another year with that lease. I gotta find someplace and fast.”

“Well you could always ask Rogers. I hear there’s a basement apartment in his building for rent. And he plays hockey so you’d have that to talk about.” Sam pointed across the bar to the pile of muscle staring forlornly into a mostly empty beer glass.

“SAAAAM!!” Bucky stepped closer to the other bartender and whispered, “He plays for Hydra! I can’t live with him!” 

“Dude you gotta keep up with your gossip. Hydra kicked him off the team. Why do you think he looks like he got stepped on over there?” Sam shrugged, then handed the amaretto sour he’d been mixing to the guy with the rainbow Mohawk. 

“Really? But he’s a great defenseman! Why would they be that stupid? I mean, beyond the obvious, of course.” He hated playing games against Hydra. They had a tendency to crash the net too much. His last concussion had been courtesy of their captain Rumlow. Bucky couldn’t help but growl.

“Rumor has it they think he’s too soft,” Sam said, drifting to the other end of the bar to let him contemplate that wrinkle. 

Rogers was an all right kind of guy, despite having bad taste in hockey. [The guy still cheered for the Rangers, despite being in the heart of Canadiens country.]. Not to mention, he was over six feet of delicious beefcake, if you swung that way. And Bucky did.

Impulse was always his best friend, and that was exactly why he poured another beer, one slightly better than the one Rogers had been drinking. 

The free beer was greeted with a hangdog look. “Come to gloat?” Steve said, enunciating in that way one would to make their words bite, and hide how drunk they were at the same time.

“Nah, man, to commiserate. Hydra was fuckin stupid to let you go.” Bucky hopped up on the barstool across from Rogers, pushing the beer towards him. “Last one of the night, but it’s on the house. Sam just told me.” 

Rogers took a moment to digest that, then nodded and stuck his hand out. “Steve.” 

It was a warm hand, and still steady despite the buzz Steve obviously had. “I’m Bucky. Nice to finally talk without your ass in my face.” 

Steve snorted, but it was very interesting the way his face flushed. “Well it’s nice not to have your stick poking anything delicate,” Steve managed, and then his eyes went a little cross eyed as he realized what he said.

Bucky couldn’t help it, he dissolved into laughter. “Stevie, I’m sorry, but as your bartender tonight, I’m gonna say you’re coming up on a full stop pretty quick there.” 

“Yeah. Yeah maybe you’re right.” And then the guy deflated. Somehow that six feet of beefcake gave the impression of five foot something, full of disaster and misfortune. Worse, his accent went from wandering American straight to Bucky’s home borough. 

Bucky blinked that away and grabbed for the bit of napkin Steve hadn’t shredded. “Tell you what. You sober up by tomorrow afternoon, come down to this rink and talk to Nick and Maria. We could always use another defenseman.” He scribbled the name of the rink, then double checked to make sure it was still readable before pushing it over. He didn’t think Steve was sober enough to remember it. “You okay to get home?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m jus’ around the corner,” Steve promised. “I’m walkin, not drivin.”

“All right Brooklyn, you get yourself home and tucked in for the night. Hope I see you tomorrow.” Bucky waved, resisting the urge to ruffle Steve’s hair.

It wasn’t until Steve had left the bar and Sam had asked what he’d said about the apartment that Bucky realized he hadn’t asked at all. “Fucking hell. He better show up tomorrow.”

“What, you got a date?” The annoying asshole made a smoochie face at him.

“Not yet, but it’d be nice.” He winked at Sam and grinned, enjoying the stunned look on his face. “Or were you hoping to sneak in before me, huh?” 

Sam snorted, shaking his head before yelling Last Call. “Nope, but it’d be fun if you’d introduce me proper to Natasha.” 

“Sam, you’re on the same team!” 

“Yeah but she’s a teammate then! I need a proper, off ice, away from the rink, kind of introduction!” 

“Fine fine fine, and hey, I got a joke you can tell her too.” Bucky launched into the same one, enjoying every bit of Sam’s groan and savor end it, knowing Natasha would give him grief for copying the joke when he finally got to tell it.

#

Bucky was never the first one to the rink. Not after tending bar until 3 am the night before. But this Saturday, he made an effort and showed up almost third. Natasha was disgustingly cheerful. 

To his relief, Rogers sat up in the bleachers, talking to their coach Nick Fury. They weren’t pro, by any definition of the term, but the coed league got a good crowd in every Saturday if the Habs weren’t playing. Sometimes even if they were. 

Nick scowled at him when he caught his gaze, but Bucky just saluted and went back into the dressing room to change and stretch out. All he could do was make the suggestion. I’d be up to Fury if he took the bait. 

Everyone was most of the way geared up when Fury walked in, and to Bucky’s pleasure, Steve walked in behind him. 

“Listen up, we just got handed a gift. Hydra got stupider than usual and kicked Rogers off. If you guys are cool with it, he’s gonna join Shield.” 

Natasha threw a quick glare at Bucky, but she was one of the first to get up and go greet their newest player. Bucky just pretended to concentrate on strapping his goalie gear on. 

“Mind if I take this spot?” A soft voice asked about five minutes later. Bucky looked up to blue eyes only a little bloodshot, but he smiled.

“If you’re brave enough to sit next to a goalie, it’s all yours,” he replied, holding his hand out like they hadn’t met the night before. 

Steve snorted and shook it before dropping his gear bag on the bench to unpack it. Anything with Hydra colors got balled up and chunked towards a trash can. “So what’s the story with this team? You guys were always so hard to play against.” 

Bucky shrugged, then pulled his chest protector on. “We’re friends. We look after each other. Half of us are dating or have dated someone else on the team.” He grinned over at Natasha, then looked pointedly at Sam once she saw him looking.

Steve snorted, then muttered, “that could get messy, yeah?” 

“Oh sometimes, but we have this rule, no assholes allowed.” He pulled his practice jersey on before standing up, tapping his stick against Roger’s calf gently. “C’mon. Get geared up. Our next game is against the X-Men and you're gonna get the job of keeping Wade Wilson from feeling me up in my own goddamn net.”

“Oh fuck.” Steve’s answer summed everything up. This was gonna be fun… For Bucky at least.

#

“So you found a new place yet, Barnes?” Natasha asked as they tended to their gear after practice. 

“Nope. And trust me, I’m still wounded you wouldn’t let me move in with you.” He pouted at her, but truthfully, he was grateful. Steve was looking at them thoughtfully. Maybe Sam was right about the place in his building?

“You should come meet my landlord, Peggy Carter. She’s got a place she’s been holding for just the right person.” The big defenseman was blushing. Actually blushing. It was rather cute.

“Yeah?” Bucky paused to pull his third layer of shirt on. Montreal was great, but it was colder than a brass button right now. “What sort of ‘right person’ are we talking about?” 

Now Steve went tomato red. “It’s just she has her own criteria. I barely made the cut, but,” he shrugged, pulling his own woolen sweater on. “She let me re-up a couple months ago with no problem.” 

“Okay. I’m getting kinda desperate here, mind if I tag along so I can talk to her?” Bucky asked, tugging his toque into place.

“Uhm, yeah, okay. I got a key to the place too. I show it sometimes, if she’s not around.” Steve waited for him, and Bucky will admit he wasn’t the most graceful as he bounced across the locker room while tugging a boot on. 

Turns out, the apartment building wasn’t that far, just a few blocks over and close to the Metro. They walked comfortably, Steve’s blush fading and Bucky managing not to make a fool of himself again as they talked over league stuff. It made Bucky feel better that Steve only played with Hydra cause they were the first team to make an offer. 

Somehow, he found himself telling the stupid joke again. Steve was laughing and groaning with him as he got to the finale. **“So the Devil gets an idea. He lowers the temperature until everything freezes over. There’s not one sound since everything is frozen and He grinds to himself as he goes back to see the two guys. But instead of whining and complaining, he sees them cheering and celebrating.**

**“‘What’s going on NOW?’ the Devil demanded.**

**“‘Well, Hell froze over. That means the Maple Leafs won the Cup!’”  
**   
Steve paused, laughing but covering his face with both hands. “Oh god, don’t tell that one to Peggy, okay? PLEASE don’t!” 

“Why not?” Bucky asked.

“She’s a Leafs fan!” 

Bucky groaned and dropped on the closest available step. He didn’t even see the sign out front advertising apartment for rent nearby. “Oh man, man you are KILLING me here!”

“Awww hey, don’t be like that Bucky, it’s okay.” Steve leaned in and Bucky uncovered one eye to stare up at him. 

“But she’s a Leafs fan!” he whined.

“Yeah, but there’s a bright side?” Steve shifted to sit on the step next to him. 

“Yeah? Like what?” He turned, watching his new friend curiously.

“We don’t hold grudges around here.” Then the softest lips were touching his, and he realized he was smiling. 

Okay, so maybe the joke wasn’t all that bad after all. Not if it got him kissed by Steve Rogers.


End file.
